Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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