not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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