He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
