angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
