sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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