Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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