Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
