i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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