Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize