Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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