I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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