also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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