you would pick up someone in the library
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
