i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I deserve this hangover.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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