I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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