No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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