so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
