i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
