and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize