put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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