at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
