Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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