i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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