My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
