wakey wakey hands off snakey
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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