My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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