in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
