Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
