It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
