If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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