So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I need to calm my uterus...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
