i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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