Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What happened to fro yo and sex?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
