Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This girl is more easily done than said...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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