You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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