He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
