dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
what is it with giant penises always finding me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
