hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
