my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
