I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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