So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
