At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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