Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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