I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just want to make out with him forever
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
