Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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