you have to choose: penises or morals?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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