I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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