I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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