I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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