OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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