nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
