girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
