They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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