You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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