I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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