I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
