i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
