Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
