i wish peter jackson would direct porn
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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