Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
