Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
