People in love make me want to vomit
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
